In the dark of night, I lie alone
With naught even to call my own
In a borrowed shelter, under rented roof
I linger alone, all the world aloof
The joys of the day; the terrors of night
I face without friend, solitaire in fight
“No one deserves a full minute of your time unless they
Reciprocate attention”, which stands the assay
Of not just a minute, or an hour, or fortnight
Of relationship strains, and that without flight
There’s no one who qualifies, few who would care
What happens, or why, to this existence I bear
I’ve lived like this long, longer than most would conceive
I’m so good at hiding, that no one believes
The emotions I sample, with poly-urnal rate
A status I’ve accepted, as simplistic fate
Many I thought friends proved false in the wake
Of accusations ugly, and lies from a snake
They stopped taking calls, stopped answering texts
Refused at all, in any way to connect
So here I lie, with naught of my own
None to call comrade, by no one known.


I wish I’d have never met you
It was so much easier then
Meeting you didn’t really chang me
It just sharpened my loneliness again
I’d gradually learned to ignore it
I didn’t even think of it much
But now it seems like always
My chest is wracked with its clutch
I’m not sure what I should do
I’m afraid of scaring you away
I don’t know how to love slowly
I really don’t know what I should say
I wish to be cool and collected
But I’m actually an emotional mess
I don’t really have anyone to talk to
Or to help me process this added stress.

Maybe more to come, I don’t know.

Fair Lady of the Night

We brave the night, while mortals slumber
We stand against demons, forbidding their plunder
Of our lives, our emotions, our value, our friendship
Our common enemy binds us with chains of close kinship
Her temerity emboldens if ever I falter
I cannot surrender, for I cannot insult her
Faith in my strength, my courage, my pluck
Her resilience guides, and serves to instruct.
She stands in the battle, her fist to the sky
As assailants grotesque her weakness decry
Surging around her, scaly and vile
The dragons of depression, and self-worth denial
Though I’ve seen her fall under their brutal assault
She never stays down, in spite of the onslaught
Of doubts, of demeaning thoughts and opinions
That her self image daily with intensity bludgeons
She dares to arise, to deny them a win
She dares to fight on, refuses to harbour within
The darkness they pander with evil intent
While anything good they misrepresent
She doesn’t know she’s a god among women
She just fights to survive and escape from the dungeon
Which looms as her end if she ever relaxes
If even for a minute her awareness she slackens
How long will this battle rage on in the dark?
How long can she fight before they extinguish her spark?
Who will be the victor when the war has been won
Will she still stand there proudly when all’s over and done?
I believe that she will, for I know of her strength
I know what she’s faced, what she’s battled at length
I know what she’s beaten already in life
And I know she will conquer in all future strife.


It seems that you’re gone
I wish I knew
But it’s been a week,
Since I talked to you.
I know we fought
It wasn’t right
But can all that we shared
Be lost in a night?
I wanted a friend
But I don’t know how
To be that for to others
Though to try, I vow 
I push too hard,
I care too deep
My emotional state
Is a garbage heap
I worry still
Still I don’t know
Know anything of how
How your days may go
I know you’ve struggled
I hope that is past
I want you to be ok
That’s all that I’ve asked.

Name Redacted

I lost my little sister the day before last
She called to say our ties are all in the past
Although it’s been years since we’ve been permitted to speak
I wasn’t fully ready to hear her words of critique
“You drove a wedge between my father and I”
Really? Are we even taking about the same guy?
Abusive, manipulating, controlling, and cruel,
He laughed at your pain, when he saw suicide’s tool
And I’m to feel bad, for trying to pull you away?
From that monster, that made you live under a rapist’s sway??
The man who openly threatened my life
For daring to condemn the actions of his wife
A wife who declared it her “God-given right”
To beat on her daughter for words said in spite?
“I’ll hit her wherever and however I chose”
“God said I could, it isn’t abuse”
So do I feel guilty for the role that I played? 
Never! Never!! My beliefs have not changed
Did I do everything the best way I could?
Probably not, but what 20 year old would?
I made mistakes, that I freely own
But I never imagined into what I was thrown
I had no preparation, no time to reflect
There were children in danger, from parental neglect
I did what needed done, what no one else dared
I brought light into darkness, I showed that I cared
For the children, even though it came at great personal cost
I regret not one whit of what I have lost
So maybe I messed up, maybe my decisions weren’t perfect
But I don’t care if I lost everyone’s respect
My sister is alive, though she dialed my phone
For only to ask to be left all alone
I can do that, because I know that she made it till now
She doesn’t need me anymore, and of that I am proud
She was never to be a lifetime dependant
She needed someone for a time, to her emotions attendant.

dark and despair

the lights go out, and darkness encroaches
the only sound, the loud scratching of roaches
I turn my head, and the phantom appears
always in shadows, but still always near

the floorboards of my heart creak loudly inside
with every step, forbidding me to hide
even the darkness brings no relief
from the maggots of despair prohibiting sleep

I can feel them squish as they eat out my core
rot and decay is all that’s left anymore
the darkness pervades every aspect of death
blindly i grope, the stench stealing my breath

scratching in vane my fingers without nails
the only result is more bloody trails
the walls are unyielding, the demons won’t leave
the concept of light i cannot conceive

the arachnids are fleeing, from the corners they scrabble
their scritching barely heard over buzzing flies babble
the flames are still black, but the unmistakable crackle
threatens to drown out the demons’ hoarse cackle

my body is covered in scars, and fresh stitches
the larvae ooze forth, the grotesqueness bewitches
the senses deny it’s my flesh that they eat
denies that my death is what makes them replete