Although possessed with a powerful predilection of a preternatural propensity to perseverate in prognostication pointlessly past the point of propriety, the probability of perfection in prediction proves the possession of paramount perspicacity into post-present periods, presumptuously positing practically perfect projection of prospects prior to perception by proletariat at present.
A random metaphor
“A rising tide lifts all ships” sounds like an awesome proverb, promising better days ahead…
Until you remember that your ship is full of holes, and is sitting on the bottom of the bay, and the only reason you have not yet drowned is because you climbed all the way to the top of the mast, and then tied yourself there so you could sleep without falling off, and now the rising tide would mean that you have wet shoes, except that you don’t have shoes, so it actually just means that your toes are freezing, and you’re going to drown.
Edit: I don’t know that there is any actual point to this metaphor. Sometimes things get stuck in my brain, and won’t go away until I share them
The Battle
I don’t even give a shit anymore
I’m so sick of fighting this infinite war
Pushing harder than ever but just to lose more
The wounds are cut deeper than ever before
Blood surging freely like waves at the shore
No way I’ll ever be changing the score
Everything around me is evil for sure
Rotted, corrupted all the way to the core
The heart from chest; it’s already been tore
Emotions all tangled like a knot rope contort
Looking back on all of the shit heretofore
Why do I try a future to ensure?
It adds up to more than a man can endure
The death angel and I are building rapport
Wondering what next for me is in store
Demons are dragging me straight to the door
Resisting I trip over piles of gore
Torn from my soul with satanic force
Sliding into darkness to wake nevermore
Drug through the doorway that appeared in the floor
Falling past demons who’s glaring eyes bore
Straight through my conscious to my secretmost cor-ners
This battle’s worse than anything for-mer
Talons grasp as I fall, the skin of my fore-
Arms is shredded and seared as the roar
Of flames of blackness from everywhere pours
Wishing for death with a passion that’s more
Than anything that I’ve ever felt before
A wish made worse by the laughing and scorn
Of demons who know death isn’t salvation’s form
Alone
In the dark of night, I lie alone
With naught even to call my own
In a borrowed shelter, under rented roof
I linger alone, all the world aloof
The joys of the day; the terrors of night
I face without friend, solitaire in fight
“No one deserves a full minute of your time unless they
Reciprocate attention”, which stands the assay
Of not just a minute, or an hour, or fortnight
Of relationship strains, and that without flight
There’s no one who qualifies, few who would care
What happens, or why, to this existence I bear
I’ve lived like this long, longer than most would conceive
I’m so good at hiding, that no one believes
The emotions I sample, with poly-urnal rate
A status I’ve accepted, as simplistic fate
Many I thought friends proved false in the wake
Of accusations ugly, and lies from a snake
They stopped taking calls, stopped answering texts
Refused at all, in any way to connect
So here I lie, with naught of my own
None to call comrade, by no one known.
With naught even to call my own
In a borrowed shelter, under rented roof
I linger alone, all the world aloof
The joys of the day; the terrors of night
I face without friend, solitaire in fight
“No one deserves a full minute of your time unless they
Reciprocate attention”, which stands the assay
Of not just a minute, or an hour, or fortnight
Of relationship strains, and that without flight
There’s no one who qualifies, few who would care
What happens, or why, to this existence I bear
I’ve lived like this long, longer than most would conceive
I’m so good at hiding, that no one believes
The emotions I sample, with poly-urnal rate
A status I’ve accepted, as simplistic fate
Many I thought friends proved false in the wake
Of accusations ugly, and lies from a snake
They stopped taking calls, stopped answering texts
Refused at all, in any way to connect
So here I lie, with naught of my own
None to call comrade, by no one known.
Ugh
I wish I’d have never met you
It was so much easier then
Meeting you didn’t really chang me
It just sharpened my loneliness again
I’d gradually learned to ignore it
I didn’t even think of it much
But now it seems like always
Maybe more to come, I don’t know.
My chest is wracked with its clutch
I’m not sure what I should do
I’m afraid of scaring you away
I don’t know how to love slowly
I really don’t know what I should say
I wish to be cool and collected
But I’m actually an emotional mess
I don’t really have anyone to talk to
Or to help me process this added stress.
Maybe more to come, I don’t know.
Fair Lady of the Night
We brave the night, while mortals slumber
We stand against demons, forbidding their plunder
Of our lives, our emotions, our value, our friendship
Our common enemy binds us with chains of close kinship
Her temerity emboldens if ever I falter
I cannot surrender, for I cannot insult her
Faith in my strength, my courage, my pluck
Her resilience guides, and serves to instruct.
She stands in the battle, her fist to the sky
As assailants grotesque her weakness decry
Surging around her, scaly and vile
The dragons of depression, and self-worth denial
Though I’ve seen her fall under their brutal assault
She never stays down, in spite of the onslaught
Of doubts, of demeaning thoughts and opinions
That her self image daily with intensity bludgeons
She dares to arise, to deny them a win
She dares to fight on, refuses to harbour within
The darkness they pander with evil intent
While anything good they misrepresent
She doesn’t know she’s a god among women
She just fights to survive and escape from the dungeon
Which looms as her end if she ever relaxes
If even for a minute her awareness she slackens
How long will this battle rage on in the dark?
How long can she fight before they extinguish her spark?
Who will be the victor when the war has been won
Will she still stand there proudly when all’s over and done?
I believe that she will, for I know of her strength
I know what she’s faced, what she’s battled at length
I know what she’s beaten already in life
And I know she will conquer in all future strife.
V
It seems that you’re gone
I wish I knew
But it’s been a week,
Since I talked to you.
I know we fought
It wasn’t right
But can all that we shared
Be lost in a night?
I wanted a friend
But I don’t know how
To be that for to others
Though to try, I vow
I push too hard,
I care too deep
My emotional state
Is a garbage heap
I worry still
Still I don’t know
Know anything of how
How your days may go
I know you’ve struggled
I hope that is past
I want you to be ok
That’s all that I’ve asked.
Name Redacted
I lost my little sister the day before last
She called to say our ties are all in the past
Although it’s been years since we’ve been permitted to speak
I wasn’t fully ready to hear her words of critique
“You drove a wedge between my father and I”
Really? Are we even taking about the same guy?
Abusive, manipulating, controlling, and cruel,
He laughed at your pain, when he saw suicide’s tool
And I’m to feel bad, for trying to pull you away?
From that monster, that made you live under a rapist’s sway??
The man who openly threatened my life
For daring to condemn the actions of his wife
A wife who declared it her “God-given right”
To beat on her daughter for words said in spite?
“I’ll hit her wherever and however I chose”
“God said I could, it isn’t abuse”
So do I feel guilty for the role that I played?
Never! Never!! My beliefs have not changed
Did I do everything the best way I could?
Probably not, but what 20 year old would?
I made mistakes, that I freely own
But I never imagined into what I was thrown
I had no preparation, no time to reflect
There were children in danger, from parental neglect
I did what needed done, what no one else dared
I brought light into darkness, I showed that I cared
For the children, even though it came at great personal cost
I regret not one whit of what I have lost
So maybe I messed up, maybe my decisions weren’t perfect
But I don’t care if I lost everyone’s respect
My sister is alive, though she dialed my phone
For only to ask to be left all alone
I can do that, because I know that she made it till now
She doesn’t need me anymore, and of that I am proud
She was never to be a lifetime dependant
She needed someone for a time, to her emotions attendant.
Antidote to Depression
For years, I was tired. I’ve always had an irregular sleep cycle. I’ve always struggled with insomnia. So any time someone asked how I was, I was tired. Well, one day I tried an experiment. Anytime someone asked how I was, I said I was great. No. I came up with phrases. I wasn’t great, was absolutely awesome. Freakishly fantastic. Utterly unctuous. Magnificently marvelous. At first it felt hypocritical. Within two days, it was genuine. I actually felt AWESOME. I wasn’t tired. I was getting the same sleep. I had the same job. I drove the same car. I wore the same clothes. Nothing changed but my attitude. And I CONSCIOUSLY CHOSE TO CHANGE IT. I took CONTROL over my outlook. By the end of two weeks it was a standard joke at work. “How are you Robbie? Nevermind, I know, you’re fantastic”. So I played along with the joke. “Nope, not today. Today I’m absolutely amazing”. Within three weeks, I realized that I had largely settled on one of my phrases, and even forgotten most of the others. Worse, I was reciting it, not relishing it. In other words, I was back to being “fine”, or “ok”, or “good”, or “tired”. Sure, I was still saying fantastic. But it had become just another answer. So then I made it a point to try to use a different descriptor with each time someone asked, and when possible, not to use the same descriptor to the same person twice in a week. The difference was immediate. I felt better. I felt invigorated. I felt… Absolutely awesome.
JEM
Your birthday came again today
I thought to give you a call
I scrolled through my phone to find you name
But it wasn’t there at all.
Then I remembered someone else has your number
That I learned when I called it last year
To wish you a blessing on the day of your birth
But wishes can’t help you, however sincere
You’re gone from this realm, fates pulled us apart
I know that life can be hard
But why did you choose to leave me behind?
Didn’t you think how those you left would be scarred?
I miss you so often, but I rarely express
To anyone how I feel since you left
To painful to share, to much risk of regret
Much lessor things have relationships cleft
I feel like a part of me died with you,
The rope that you used is suffocating me too.
How can I hold on, knowing you let go?
Each day that goes by, I miss you anew.
As your life was cut short, by fate and your choice
So too this poem shall no more have its voice