dark and despair

the lights go out, and darkness encroaches
the only sound, the loud scratching of roaches
I turn my head, and the phantom appears
always in shadows, but still always near

the floorboards of my heart creak loudly inside
with every step, forbidding me to hide
even the darkness brings no relief
from the maggots of despair prohibiting sleep

I can feel them squish as they eat out my core
rot and decay is all that’s left anymore
the darkness pervades every aspect of death
blindly i grope, the stench stealing my breath

scratching in vane my fingers without nails
the only result is more bloody trails
the walls are unyielding, the demons won’t leave
the concept of light i cannot conceive

the arachnids are fleeing, from the corners they scrabble
their scritching barely heard over buzzing flies babble
the flames are still black, but the unmistakable crackle
threatens to drown out the demons’ hoarse cackle

my body is covered in scars, and fresh stitches
the larvae ooze forth, the grotesqueness bewitches
the senses deny it’s my flesh that they eat
denies that my death is what makes them replete

Moving On

Moving On

All of this pain caused by well-meaning friends
Please just leave me alone, so this nightmare can end.
I know how to ask for what ever I need,
So unless I come asking, please; let me be!!

Reminding me daily of what I’ve been through
Is not really helping my thoughts to unskew
I’ve dealt with much worse than this affliction, you know,
So let me get through it, give me room to grow

I don’t want your pity, sympathy, or concern
All I need is some time, a plan to discern
And when I’ve decided where I should go,
Then, only then, I will let you know.

In spite of disaster, I’m moving ahead
Confident, determined, with nothing to dread.
No fear of the future, I’m ready to run
Toward any adventure, I won’t be outdone

I’m in my prime, with life to embrace
Stop throwing my failures back in my face
I know I messed up, I know better than you
How badly I’ve failed, to myself to be true.

But like always, I’ll climb to the top
I’m invincible, you know, you can’t pay me to stop.
Life is for living, so let’s get on our way
Abandon cowardice, rise, and seize the day!!!



Gone, I ain’t even looking back
Gone! No! I’m never coming back
Pushed to the edge, by society’s blight,
Chose to jump, launched into the night.
Fallen from grace into the abyss
Never turning around, nothing back there I miss
Peaceful exterior, violence hides
Anger uncontrollable, burning inside
Smiling blissfully, practice it takes
Immune to the judgment others may make
Freedom, banishing all bond’s despair
Conquering fear, abolishing care.
Welcoming danger,
Adrenaline no stranger
Seeking more thrills
To drown out all ills
Incessant attacks
Friend’s knife in my back
Must flee this morass
Anonymous at last
In a place never known
My true value to own
No more horrible lies
From deeply jealous guys
Free to be who I am,
And not to be damned
To have everyone judge me
In hypocrisy
Because they have not checked
If what is said is correct.

What Will it Take?

What Will it Take?

What will take to make us lay down our pride?
Make us observe all agony that abounds by our side?
Children go hungry, we feast, and we thrive
Parents are starving, so children can survive.

Millions displaced, living homeless, or in tents
To house them, to feed them would cost less than we spend on presents
Orphans and widows living out in the street
We play in the snow, and complain of cold feet.

We see a video, we share, like, and comment
But do we CARE, do we recognize their life of torment?
Or do we just share to earn social cred?
To prove to our “friends” that our hearts are not dead?

News channels full of horrors untold,
Isis beheadings, are frequently tolled
But what of the millions dying each day?
Disease, starvation, not newsworthy? You say?

How then can you claim to possess Jesus’s love?
If you don’t share His burden for all those He loves?
If you live in comfort, in excess, in grandeur
While millions, MILLIONS die and we honour DE rigueur…



He was just a boy, with a heart so soft,
Innocent, loving, and kind.
But life, as we know, is incredibly cruel,
And pain slowly darkened his mind.

Betrayal, rumours, lies manifold
Soon there was no one to trust
So he walled off that heart with walls thick and tall,
Protection, that was a must.

For years he lived, letting no one in, in solitude drifting through life
Not feeling, never loving, just numb to it all
Never climbing, never trying, never opening up,
Afraid to, lest he fall

Until one day, some one came along, and convinced him that he could be safe
To tell them his fears, his pain, his loss,
Even of the walls he had erected about him
So he shared, with no sheltering gloss.

For a time it was great, having someone who cared,
And caring for them in return
Gradually, painfully, he opened more and more, starting to tear down his walls
Exposing his heart, so battered, by so many burned

But then, just when it seemed he might finally be free
From all that had his heart blast,
All the lies, and the rumours, the stories, and tales,
Of his painful and shadowy past.

Began to be known, by people about, and questions were fired around,
Who is he, what’s he want? Why, why, why?
And rather than seek for the truth of the man, people gobbled up gossip with glee
Passing judgment, condemning, this life weary guy

He had tried, he had opened, exposed his great pain,
And now, from beyond his control,
The one that he trusted was yanked from his life, and it wounded him,
Deep in his soul.

Hastily, frantically, as if for his life, the walls were slammed back in place
Thicker, higher, stronger than e’er,
With no windows, no doors, that no light could get in,
Never, never, again, he did swear.

What hope is there now? For this troubled young man, so beset by agony deep
All because some who are careless and cruel
Choose to gossip, to lie, to defame and abuse,
Now he is viewed a black sheep.

Where is the end of this cycle of pain? When does this man find relief?
When does his heart find healing complete?
Where is the end of his grief?

Likely nowhere, now, that he’s wounded this bad
For never again will he dare
To open that door, not for ANYONE, not even himself,
He is determined, never to care.

Vague Longings

Vague Longings

Vaguely unsatisfied
Empty within
Haunted by loneliness
Future is grim

Needing fulfillment
Down in my soul
Desperate for anything
Losing control

Tattoos… Piercings…
Signs of the void
Sick of society,
By complacency annoyed

Counter culture
Dare-devil thrills
Drugs and music
Quickens, yet kills

Fast paced living
Abandonment, free
Yet in such bondage
In the quest for the key

Key to accept,
And be who I am
Throw off the trappings
Of society’s sham



So many regrets, I wish to undo,
So many tragedies all my life through…
So many people, I’ve hurt or destroyed
With my careless actions, I’ve stolen their joy.

I cover the pain by hiding my soul,
But that over time has taken its toll
I no longer know how, to feel like I should
I just stifle emotion, act like everything is good.

When in reality, I’m writhing in pain
Watching the lives of my loved ones in vain
Wishing to be part, but not knowing how
Love is too foreign, to me to allow.

So I wander in darkness, pursuing the light
Seeking in vain for an end to the night
For a morning refreshing, where all things are new,
For an end to the tragedies, all my life through.



When your friends desert you,
As they all seem to do,
When you question whether anyone
Is truly loyal to you

Remember those who were there
In your hour of great need
Give the benefit of doubt,
Pay misgivings no heed

If you are faithful and loyal
Truly worthy of them
It is they who have lost
If they’re not a true friend.

Be all you can be,
And soon you will know
You have no lack of friends,
Wherever you go.

For people will see the value
In being loyal to you,
When they know with out a doubt
That you are loyal too.



I don’t want a future all lonely and drear,
But every time I allow any one to get near
It just ends in pain for both them and me
And I hate hurting others, so alone I must be.

Alone to endure, for the rest of my days
The knowledge that others have been hurt by my ways
Inexcusable, unforgivable, to hurt those who try
To help and to care about things in my life.

Powerless am I to avoid this result
So to be alone is now my default
And still I hurt others, just by being alive
To protect them, and guard them to that end I strive.

Falling miserably, time after time,
Awash with regrets, condemned for my crime
Crippled by believing that I cannot succeed,
My doubts my faith easily supersede.

Held Back

Held Back

How can I move forward when my heart’s in the past?
No it’s not broken, it’s torn from my chest
It is owned by the one that walked out of my world
But out of her care, my heart she just hurled
Op’ning the door to a new world of pain
Stressed to the limit, yeah I’m nearly insane
Been through so much, why does life knock me down?
Holding me under, trying to drown,
All my desires, my potential, my dreams
Snuffed in a moment, destroyed by life’s schemes
But I rise again, up against all hope
I DON’T DIE, I NEVER give up hope.
Life was given me, by a curse come true,
But I won’t relinquish it, till I’m totally through.
Till I exact in full measure, the joy I deserve
Till I take by sheer grit, what I’ve never been served
Success, Victory, these are my goals,
And I’ll reach them regardless, whatever the tolls
I NEVER give up, those who know me agree
And one day, when I’m ready, I’ll be indelibly free!!